Pity Party

As unattractive as it is and as hard as it is to admit, I've been  feeling a little sorry for myself lately.  Do you ever just get in one of those moods where you know you have nothing to complain about, yet you feel the need to complain about everything?  Well, that's the kind of mood I've been in the last few days. 
Maybe it's the change in the weather around here, or hormones, or lack of exercise, or stress about the upcoming holidays.  Whatever it is, it's getting the best of me at the moment.  Unfortunately my husband is taking the brunt of it.  I love him so much yet he seems to be my go to guy when it comes to needing to take out some frustration.
Josh tells me quite often that I'm a pessimist.  I'm beginning to believe him.  Not that I don't want to see the good in every situation, I'm just an analyst by nature and I tend to OVER analyze any given situation.  I'm not sure how this bad habit started, but I'd sure like to figure out a way to stop it. 
I've been feeling really left out of life lately.  Like I'm not around.  Kind of like I'm watching everything from the sidelines.  I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that Ryson is getting older and is very self reliant (Which should make a mother proud right?).  Some of it is because my husband is very capable of doing anything (and everything) that needs to be done (Which should take the burden off a wife right?).  The irony of it all is that I've always WANTED the stress and chaos of being a MOTHER and lately it seems as though being a mother is the last item on my 'to do' list.
I had taken a side job a few months ago to see if I could transition into doing something on my own (at home).  I quit that job Monday.  Not that I couldn't do it, not because the extra money wasn't nice,  but because it was one more thing 'to do'.  I wasn't happy going from one job to another twice a week.  It just meant missing out on what is/isn't happening at home (which is really where I want to be anyway).
I feel to busy, yet not busy enough all at the same time.  It's hard to explain and this is only the tip of the iceberg, but I needed to get it off my chest so that I can take a deep breath and reset.
I have a wonderful life, we've worked really hard to get where we are today.  I need to buck up and realize that I should be THANKFUL that I am surrounded by people that LET me 'watch from the sidelines'.