Merry Christmas?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Merry Christmas?  I'm not so sure about that.  Not to be bah humbug or anything.  It's just that if any of you know what it's like to have a blended family, then you'll totally understand how Christmas (along with all other holidays) tend to lose their excitement when your kids have to be shared with someone else.

Josh and I have been married for 5 years.  We have been 'sharing' our kids with ex-spouses for longer than that so you would think we would be pros at this by now.  However, even with a decree that tells how things should be done, things are RARELY done that way which causes a lot of tension and bickering on everyones part.  Not exactly what I would call the holiday spirit.  This year was supposed to be different.  This year felt pretty normal.  I thought I had it all under control.

This Christmas is our 'off' year with  the kids.  This means that instead of having them on Christmas, we will have them for New Years.  We have decided that on the years we don't have the kids for Christmas we will not buy gifts for them (by the time we see them on New Years, they've had 4 other Christmas's~another thing that comes along with blended families).  Instead, we have chosen to focus on memory builders on our off years.  This means that instead of gifts, we try to take the kids somewhere fun and out of the ordinary.  Something they will enjoy and remember instead of just stuff.

Personally, I have enjoyed this tradition and it makes not having the kids on Christmas that much easier because I know we will be doing something super fun, just a week later, and it gets me out of having to shop for Christmas presents!!

This year is a little different.  Ryson will be staying with us for Christmas even though it is his Dads year to have him.  This makes me sad.  Not because I don't want Ryson around, but because I've had to be the bad guy this year and tell Ryson he can't go to Utah.  Trust me, I have my reasons.  There is a LLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG story and lots of reasons why he will not be going to Utah this year.  None of which I will be sharing.  I feel bad because Ryson REALLY wants to go see his Dad.  He misses him, that is understandable and one day he will understand why I had to do what I did this year.  Because of all of this drama, I have not been in the Christmas mood at all.  I have had a hard time even wanting to deal with Christmas.  I feel horrible disappointing Ryson and not being able to tell him all the details as to why. 

BUT~With the decision finally being made to keep him here, I feel like I can start focusing on Christmas.  I have a few days off of work starting today and I think the break will be very helpful.  I can stop thinking about all the negative things that are happening and re-direct my attention to making this a fun and memorable time for the three of us that will be spending Christmas together.  Good Times!!

This pic has nothing to do with this post.  I just thought it was hilarious!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Life Lessons

Ryson is growing up.  Way to fast if you ask me.  However, it is so satisfying to sit and watch as your little boy turns into an amazing young man.  Here's the story:
In November, Ryson went through school basketball tryouts.  It was three days of workouts after school for approximately 2 hours.  Ryson is no stranger to basketball, so this was nothing for him.  He was used to the drills and the warm ups and the running etc.  We really didn't think that Ryson wouldn't make the team (that sounds over confident, I know).  On the last day of tryouts, the coach had all of the boys line up on the wall.  If he called your name, you would go stand under the basket on the other side of the gym.  If he didn't call your name, he thanked everyone for their efforts and asked them back next year.  The coach was only taking 12 players out of around 25 kids.
I wasn't there for this big moment, but Josh went.  He said that as the coach started reading names, he couldn't do anything but look at the floor~he was so nervous about the outcome.  As the coach went down his list, calling those that had made the team, he had made it through 11 players and still hadn't called Ryson's name.  Then, FINALLY he called Ryson.  I can only imagine how nervous Ryson was standing there waiting for his name to be called (especially considering how nervous Josh was).  I was so excited to hear that he had made the team.

Fast forward a couple of weeks:

Ryson has had around 5 school games so far.  He has sat on the bench for the majority of these games.  He gets more playing time than some kids on the team, but not as much playing time as he would like.   This bothers him, and honestly, it bothers me too.  However, we have tried to tell him that his playing time is determined on his work ethic at practice and during the game.  We have also told him that if he wants to know what he's doing wrong, he needs to talk to his coach.  This is a terrifying thought for Ryson.  What? Talk to my coach?  He asked if I would do it for him.  I told him no and that if  he planned on playing basketball in the future (one of his goals is to get a college scholarship to play basketball) then he needs to learn how to be 'coached' and that does not include mom being the go between.
Poor Ryson has gone weeks, sitting on the bench, chewing his nails and avoiding eye contact with his coach.  His skills have suffered on the court because he is so nervous to talk to his coach and at the same time he is getting less and less playing time.  
So, we made him a deal.  Ryson works amazingly well with reward charts.  He will do just about anything to mark off a spot towards a reward.  I told him if he talked to his coach I would give him 3 marks on his chart (which would get him to his goal mark of $20). 
Last night, as soon as the game was over, I was looking around for Ryson and guess where I found him.  He was standing on the sidelines having a conversation with his coach!  I could tell he was SO nervous to be standing there listening to what the coach had to tell him but I was so proud to sit there and watch him learn a little life lesson that sometimes it's up to YOU to suck it up and put in the effort if you want to grow. 
I don't care if he sits the bench the rest of the entire season!  Watching him take that step and knowing how hard that was for him made me more proud of him then any last minute, game winning shot, ever could!