He's FINALLY back!!!

Ryson flew in from UT last night at 7pm.  He had some friends that really wanted to go with us to pick him up.  9 weeks is a LONG time to not be involved with your buddies. We told Ryson that his friends couldn't come to the gate so they had decided to stay home and just see him when he got there.  They snuck up on him at baggage claim and they have been all smiles ever since.  

We ordered pizza on our way home.  It was there about 2 minutes after we pulled in the driveway.  The boys ate and then went and partied in the hot tub and Jake's house.  They were doing cannon balls and belly flops.  I think there was more water on the ground than there was in the hot tub.

It was SO nice to have some noise/chaos in our house once again.  We had neighbors over, people were showing up to try on basketball warm ups, the boys were running in and out, we had 3 dogs running through the house, life is getting back to normal...



I've missed this!!



Rocky Roads

We have some trials going on in our family right now.  I'm not going to go into detail (this isn't a gossip column) I just need to put it in writing so I can get it off my chest.
We aren't perfect parents.  We don't pretend to be.  We do our best and we do what we feel is best for our children.  Co-parenting however turns this task into something that I'm not at all familiar with.
There is a blog that I follow~and 90% of the time disagree with~but today, there was some truth in what I read.  This couple recently went to court over some pending issues with their divorce decree-this is the "case" she is referring to:

"Our case was first on the docket, so we didn't have to wait long- there was just one case to be finished up from the previous day's session before we could begin. It was another divorce case, with children, in which the mother was seeking a protective order from the dad and his visitation rights were revoked. It was sad. I felt how petty and selfish and totally disgusting divorce truly is. Even in divorce, I can't imagine why people would want to genuinely hurt the one that they used to love. I couldn't understand it with my ex, and I couldn't understand it with the case playing out in front of me. I promised to myself that the next time around, I would find someone that understood that divorce is absolutely, irrevocably, not an option. I silently thanked my Heavenly Father for His infinite wisdom in withholding children from my marriage."

We have children that have been highly affected by our divorces.  I would NEVER call our children unfortunate nor is it something I would go back and change if ever given the chance but it is unfortunate that they are dealing daily with the choices of others and with zero control over those choices.   

I have mixed emotions about divorce.  I hate it.  I think it is horrible.  I don't agree with it at all yet I am divorced.  There was a point in my life where I didn't see any other choice and it makes me more than sad to see others endure this same feeling.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I am embarrassed that I didn't make better choices from the get go.

Why does divorce turn people into angry, spiteful, ugly people?  Especially when you still have the same 'main' goals in common~supposedly.  We all, at one point, wanted nothing more than for our children to be happy, healthy, loving individuals.  Individuals who obey their parents, make good choices, go to church, do well in school, respect others,  all of the above. 

When did those goals change?  Why did those goals change?  Why are things ok now that NEVER would have been ok before?  Why is the MAIN goal virtually lost in the whole process?  Is it simply because divorce makes people so "petty and selfish" that they put their frustrations/power/spite in front of their hopes and dreams for their children.  Is it more important to be right and prove a point then to hold yourself accountable for the decisions (or lack there of) that are made on the behalf of the little ones involved?  Is it easier to be lazy and throw your hands in the air in defeat?

I'm not excluding myself from these questions, nor am I pointing fingers.  I am guilty of turning the smallest disagreement into a major argument.  I am guilty of making decisions knowing full well the reaction I'm going to get just to prove a point so I get that these are side effects of divorce.  I'm trying to understand why. I'm certainly not stating that divorce is justification to be a crappy parent and make bad decisions.  Quite the opposite.  It's my hope that at some point, negative feelings, frustration, anger, assumptions, resentment, can all be put aside.  That JOINT decisions can be made, that differences of opinions will be weighed and that RESPECT will be a given by all involved. Hope that some positive/cohesive healing can eventually begin and that CO-parenting can truly begin.

We love our children more than anything.  All of them.  We would do anything for them.  They don't always agree with us and we don't always make the right decisions when it comes to our tactics, but we would never do anything to hurt them and will only make decsisions we feel are in their best interest (even if it means the silent treatment for weeks on end). 

I can't imagine that any parent would EVER consciously do something that would cause their child harm.  I believe we all still want what is best for our children but the ways of going about reaching those goals have changed tremendously.  Divorce muddies vision so much that it creates more pot holes in the rocky roads of parenting and makes the task that much harder. 

Simple Things

I savor these simple things...

This picture was taken a few weeks ago.  I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom folding clothes.  We were trying to pack for our annual trip to Idaho and the kids were showering/brushing teeth, getting ready for bed.
I could hear the two little boys conversing but I wasn't paying much attention-then I listened. 
I wish so badly that I could put audio with this picture.  They weren't saying anything outrageous or anything, just giggling and combing their hair. They could stand in the mirror for hours trying all different kinds of hairstyles.  My heart melted as I sat and watched the two of them and listened to their candid banter.
They had no idea I was watching/listening to them (the pic is so bad because I grabbed Josh's cell phone and snapped a picture).  I was close to tears just taking it all in~push pause.
I love the innocence of these two little guys and know that it will be gone all to quickly.
                               

Bare With Me for a Moment~

Ugh!  I don't know what it is about this time of year that makes me feel like I'm losing my mind, but it's happening again.  The stress of school, family, sports, church callings, work, etc. all ramping up at the same time really stresses me out.   
I feel unorganized, like a horrible mother, like I have no control over my family and what is going on, like I'll never be able to come up with the endless funds necessary to take care of 5 kids, like I've let an entire summer go by without relaxing and taking time to smell the roses, things get crazier at work, the cars start to break down, a bill shows up that you didn't even know existed and they want payment NOW it just never seems to end!
My husband would tell you that I have a tendency to focus on these tedious items, on things that I have no control over.  Which, I'll admit, I do.  However,  as a woman trying to keep it together, these are things that grind on my last nerve until I CAN do something about them.  It's my job as a wife and mother to worry about the minor details (or at least I feel like it is).
Sept is when all of the 'schedules' come out.  When other things/people start to dictate what you can and can't do.  I watch as my planner pages go from virtually empty to spilling over with multiple activities/travels/responsibilities.  This obviously is all part of life, but I can't help but get anxious.
I'm a routine based, organized person, so schedules are a good thing (in my opinion).
So why all the angst?
One possibility is this~I'm aware that a 'Nuclear' family often functions at this same stress level in the Fall but I can't help but feel like some of MY stress stems from the fact that as a blended family, you live in limbo.  You can only make tentative plans/goals.  Everything you do, is pursuant to what some other person will allow.  Everything is 'penciled' in if you will. 
I have high expectations for myself and my kids.  When those expectations aren't met due to one thing or another, it bugs me.  It's hard to know what expectations are realistic.  What I can control and what I can't. When to stand your ground, and when to give up. The school year for us tends to be an emotional roller coaster.  There is so much to be done, yet so much that we aren't able to be involved with~just watch from a distance and cross your fingers that all goes well.
I like to have all my ducks in a row come the new school year.  When 4 of my 5 ducks live elsewhere, it's a struggle.  I miss them and I know that even though I feel like a mom to them, I can't mother them the way I wish I could.  It's hard to be the mother to one child one way, and 4 others another way.  I'm learning, but above all the schedules, bills, car problems, etc. this is the one thing that causes me the most anguish and that I have the least amount of influence over. 
Anyway~Here's to a new school year!  Wish me luck!!

Thoughts-

The worst feeling in the world is when the feeling isn't mutual....

Why is it that the more money I make, the less money I have?

I wish my family was closer (sometimes).

You know you've skipped WAY too much church when even your subs are getting burnt out!

Ignorance is bliss!!

What happens when you dry an ENTIRE pack of gum in the dryer?  You don't want to find out, TRUST ME!

Friends...you can never have to many.

The older I get, the more I realize,  I really need to start writing stuff down.

There's no place like home,  and I can't wait to get there!!

Nana & Papa's

One of our most favorite places to go is Nana and Papas house.  There is so much to do and the kidos love it!  There are chickens, goats, a horse, a few donkeys, an alpaca, a pig, a couple turkeys, cats, etc. 
Recently two of the donkeys had little babies of their own and they are the CUTEST things ever and super friendly.  This is Bella with one of the babies.  The other one is all black and a little bigger.  This baby was born last week when we were all outside eating dinner.  The mama donkey was pregnant before dinner and we went to peek at her before we left and she was standing there with her little baby. 

Driving the gator...what could be more fun?  ALL of the kids LOVE to drive the gator.  Bella is usually the one behind the wheel, but over the weekend, Papa took Blake for a spin and BLAKE DROVE!!  He was behind the wheel, shifting and using the pedals and everything!  I couldn't believe he could touch the floor.  I remember (seems like just yesterday) when he would cling to my leg as we walked through the pasture because he was scared to step in the poop.  Now he's out there driving the gator like nobody's business.  Where does the time go?