We aren't perfect parents. We don't pretend to be. We do our best and we do what we feel is best for our children. Co-parenting however turns this task into something that I'm not at all familiar with.
There is a blog that I follow~and 90% of the time disagree with~but today, there was some truth in what I read. This couple recently went to court over some pending issues with their divorce decree-this is the "case" she is referring to:
"Our case was first on the docket, so we didn't have to wait long- there was just one case to be finished up from the previous day's session before we could begin. It was another divorce case, with children, in which the mother was seeking a protective order from the dad and his visitation rights were revoked. It was sad. I felt how petty and selfish and totally disgusting divorce truly is. Even in divorce, I can't imagine why people would want to genuinely hurt the one that they used to love. I couldn't understand it with my ex, and I couldn't understand it with the case playing out in front of me. I promised to myself that the next time around, I would find someone that understood that divorce is absolutely, irrevocably, not an option. I silently thanked my Heavenly Father for His infinite wisdom in withholding children from my marriage."
We have children that have been highly affected by our divorces. I would NEVER call our children unfortunate nor is it something I would go back and change if ever given the chance but it is unfortunate that they are dealing daily with the choices of others and with zero control over those choices.
I have mixed emotions about divorce. I hate it. I think it is horrible. I don't agree with it at all yet I am divorced. There was a point in my life where I didn't see any other choice and it makes me more than sad to see others endure this same feeling. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am embarrassed that I didn't make better choices from the get go.
Why does divorce turn people into angry, spiteful, ugly people? Especially when you still have the same 'main' goals in common~supposedly. We all, at one point, wanted nothing more than for our children to be happy, healthy, loving individuals. Individuals who obey their parents, make good choices, go to church, do well in school, respect others, all of the above.
When did those goals change? Why did those goals change? Why are things ok now that NEVER would have been ok before? Why is the MAIN goal virtually lost in the whole process? Is it simply because divorce makes people so "petty and selfish" that they put their frustrations/power/spite in front of their hopes and dreams for their children. Is it more important to be right and prove a point then to hold yourself accountable for the decisions (or lack there of) that are made on the behalf of the little ones involved? Is it easier to be lazy and throw your hands in the air in defeat?
I'm not excluding myself from these questions, nor am I pointing fingers. I am guilty of turning the smallest disagreement into a major argument. I am guilty of making decisions knowing full well the reaction I'm going to get just to prove a point so I get that these are side effects of divorce. I'm trying to understand why. I'm certainly not stating that divorce is justification to be a crappy parent and make bad decisions. Quite the opposite. It's my hope that at some point, negative feelings, frustration, anger, assumptions, resentment, can all be put aside. That JOINT decisions can be made, that differences of opinions will be weighed and that RESPECT will be a given by all involved. Hope that some positive/cohesive healing can eventually begin and that CO-parenting can truly begin.
We love our children more than anything. All of them. We would do anything for them. They don't always agree with us and we don't always make the right decisions when it comes to our tactics, but we would never do anything to hurt them and will only make decsisions we feel are in their best interest (even if it means the silent treatment for weeks on end).
I can't imagine that any parent would EVER consciously do something that would cause their child harm. I believe we all still want what is best for our children but the ways of going about reaching those goals have changed tremendously. Divorce muddies vision so much that it creates more pot holes in the rocky roads of parenting and makes the task that much harder.
No comments:
Post a Comment